Forum


Jokes Of All Trade

Started by bigramil 2016-07-23 at 04:05

6 replies to this topic
bigramil
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, 'Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway.'
Then she explained to her second son, 'Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car.'
Next, she went to son number three and said, 'Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious.'
denclu
nice kabayan
raul02
Quote: bigramil
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, 'Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway.'
Then she explained to her second son, 'Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car.'
Next, she went to son number three and said, 'Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious.'


bigramil
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,' Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?' 'Outstanding,' Fred replied. 'They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great.' 'That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he
asked, 'What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?'
'You mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's it!' He turned to his wife, 'Rose, what was the name of
that memory clinic?'
bigramil
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. 'Was I getting in the tub or out?' she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, 'I don't know, I'll come up to see.' She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, 'Was I going up or going down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful', and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
bigramil
An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seems to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things. The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down. 'I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember.' 'Well, I want that with nuts, too.' 'O.K. he says ice cream with nuts.' She asks again if he's going to write it down. 'No, I'm just going to the kitchen.' 'And a Cherry on the top?' He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down. Now the old man is angry, 'Look, old lady I'm not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top.' He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife. She looks up and says, 'Honey, you forgot my toast.'
bigramil
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. 'Pardon me,' she said, 'I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.' 'I'm very sorry," replied the young man 'is there anything I can do for you?' 'Yes,' she said, 'As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better.' 'Sure,' answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, 'Goodbye, Mother!' As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. 'How can that be?' He asked, 'I only purchased a few things!' 'Your mother said that you would pay for her,' said the clerk.

Payment Processors

Partners We Work With